it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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