Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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