The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
