I'm jealous of your bromance
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
