I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize