Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
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