ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
