physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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