I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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