If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
