I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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