Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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