so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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