There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
