I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
