My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
