evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize