remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
