you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
