so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
