OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
