I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
