Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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