Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
