I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Four minutes until I can fart!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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