Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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