I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize