So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
what day is it and did you see me today?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
