the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
