my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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