thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
