Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
