in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
