Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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