I wish I could punch you in the face.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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