and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
it hurts more in the daytime
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
