Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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