i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
