now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
