You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
