i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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