You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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