He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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