Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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