she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Too much gin, very little bucket
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
