She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
