i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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