I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
