I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
