If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
