New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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