Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
