He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
