so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
