Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
