I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
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