I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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