my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
