Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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