I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
