he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
