I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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