I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
