talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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