Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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